My heart breaks

Yesterday, I had one of the most moving, heart-wrenching experiences I've had here, or really in my life. It is hard to know how to tell the story, because it is just hard to wrap my head around it. But I do know that my heart broke. Even now, tears spring to my eyes as I think of Gloria. She is 7 years old and she is Karamajong. We were there buying beads from the hard working women of the village. There were more women and more beads than we had expected! As we were about to leave, a woman came to Katie and asked her to please look at a sick child. The child was lying on a blanket with her auntie and was so obviously sick, but the crowd began to press in on us, so Suzanne, Mary Pat, Dana, Asher and I headed back to the van while Katie talked to the woman about the child. We were in the van waiting, and we looked up and there was Katie walking up the path with that child in her arms. Her legs and arms were splayed, then seizing, and Katie placed her in Mary Pat's arms and said "we are taking her to the hospital." Gloria, the precious girl, had seizures all the way to the hospital. Now, I use the term 'Hospital" loosely, because in our American standards, this would be a clinic. But the nurse and doctor took her straight in and attempted to discern what was wrong with her. They could not, so they referred us to another hospital, where she could be admitted for a confirmed diagnosis. At a loss for how to process what we were seeing, we prayed over the child, stroked her head and arms, and told her over and over, "it's ok, it's ok.." which of course, she did not understand. Her eyes...her eyes...they said it all. They said, "I"M SO AFRAID! I AM HURTING!! WHO ARE YOU? WHY AM I HERE! PLEASE HELP ME!!" As I looked into her eyes, I thought, OH LORD!! This could be MY child! I began to cry, it broke my heart. I watched helplessly as her body seized and listened while her cries got louder and louder. I have never felt so at a loss. When the doctor told us we should leave and go to another hospital, I picked her up off the table and carried her in my arms to the car where I held her and prayed she did not die. We arrived at the hospital, where we were taken back into a room immediately, but I was frankly shocked that THIS wss the hospital. We put her on another table and the doctor examined her, but did not know her history or what was wrong with her. Her auntie soon arrived to spend the night with her, and we left believing they would do tests to determine what was wrong. The doctor only said that he believed she was "in crisis" which meant she was likely dying. When things like this happen, there is nowhere to put it. What compartment of your brain would this fit in? How do you process that you just laid a sick and possibly dying girl on a cold table in a room shared by another patient at the foot of the same table? How do you process that they are treating her with medicines and they don't know what's wrong with her? Or the lack of communication, or the lack of information? How do you deal with that? Suzanne told me as I held her sick little body and I worried about my own health...she said.."Renee, Jesus touched the lepers" She was right, and I immediately let go of my fear and did what she said.."We just LOVE HER."
Today Katie went to the hospital to check on her. They still had not done the tests necessary to determine why she was so sick. I know that part of my heartache is due to a comparison between what is available to Americans with regards to healthcare and what is available to people in a third world country. I mean no disrespect. It is JUST DIFFERENT. As I write I still don't know how Gloria is, but would ask that you pray for her. Pray that they will figure out what is wrong and get her the proper treatment, and that she will live and thrive and have a life that will glorify God. That is all we want for our own children, isn't it?

p.s. One thing I forgot to mention in this post that I wanted to add is that this was not an abnormal day for Katie. This stuff happens to her a lot, but instead of having someone to hold the sick child or hold her baby, she would have done it alone. She enters in, fully engages, and gets the job done. God has given her a tenacity and strength to do what she does. Please continue to pray that He will supply all that Katie needs, whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual. Especially pray that as she pours herself out so fully, that He will provide refreshment and encouragement for her heart.